Let Them

Over the past year especially, I identified that perfectionism is not only something I experienced regularly, it was also causing me and the people around me to suffer. I decided to actively try to heal this part of myself in my usual way of channelling everything I can at a problem.

I heard about the book and mentioned it to a friend, who kindly bought a copy for each of us to read.

It sat gathering dust on the shelf for a little while, until I felt the urge to take a look at it this week.

The Let Them Theory is written by New York Times Bestselling author Mel Robbins, the Author of The Five Second Rule.

The premise of the book is really quite simple, it delves in to Robbins’ theory of Let Them and Let Me. Basically, it proposes that do what they feel they need to do. It’s about understanding that ultimately, we can’t change people or control people or have them do anything they don’t want to do. So let go of trying to influence their behaviour, and Let Them.

If we stopped at Let Them and did nothing else, it would be quite painful and isolating. So Robbins proposes that after letting them, you say Let Me. This is where you take action to do what you believe is the right thing to do in the situation. I like the idea of doing something that harms nobody (including yourself), if possible.

Robbins’ quotes the Greek philosopher Epectetus, “It’s not what happens to you, it is how you react to it that matters.” Saying Let Them and Let Me releases yourself from the burden of an emotional reaction to things that happen to you, and allows yourself to act with purpose.

Robbins applies this theory to overcome stress about what others think of you, how they treat you, how other people act and are feeling, friendships, caretaking and change.

But to truly achieve this, I would like to add two more “Lets” into the equation. Let Go and Let God.

After you act with purpose, you Let Go and Let God. You can’t control how other people will react to your actions, but the last bit of autonomy you have is to actively Let Go of the outcome and Let God (or your higher power) take care of the rest.

I am coming to learn that Letting Them, Me, Go and God is the key to happiness. We can’t control other people or outcomes, but we can act with love and then let the outcome go by handing it up to God.